NEW BOOK

I received two books in the mail today. They are true lifesavers and I truly wish I had had them sooner. The are both by an author Carol Kent. Her only son is serving a life sentence with no chance for parole for murder one.
The first book is When I Lay My Isaac Down, the second one is A New Kind of Normal. It was so nice to find someone that I could relate to. She knows the feelings of failure, regret, sadness, and just pure frustration that accompany a tale like Micahs.
I just kept shaking my head at the feelings she experienced which only a mother can relate to. Not my husband, nor any of the kids. They all have their own kind of grief over the whole thing, but only a mother can relate to a mother who has lost a son to the prison system.
I share this quote out of the first book:
"Life is very different than it was before. It's harder. More challenging. Agonizingly painful. But different in a good way too.
I've discovered the joy of simplicity. Jason's life is uncomplicated without the accumulation of "stuff," the pressures of career advancement, the exhausting drive to achieve status and to impress people.
I've learned that tears create a common ground with all classes of people. Pain is pain is pain is pain. Mothers who are hurting do not feel envious, spiteful, or resentful of other mothers who are hurting. Our shared heartache produces an instant connection not based on status, achievement, or income level."

All I can say to this is a huge AMEN

MEMORIES

We spent the weekend at Manual Antonio beach and I spent a lot of time thinking about Micah. There were quite a few young folks celebrating spring break. Two years ago Micah was living here in Costa Rica and spent spring break at the beach.

One of his friends families was coming down for spring break and invited Micah to spend the week hanging out with them. I think they invited him anyway :)

So Micah being the adventurer that he is hopped on the bus and because there was standing room only stood for the three and a half hour bus ride to the beach. Once there he took a taxi and found his friends and had a great week surfing and hanging out.

You can see why I could not help but think about Micah when I saw all those youngsters out there taking surf lessons and enjoying the sun and fun.

Soon hopefully soon.

FEEL GOOD

2009
I guess everybody feels down at one point or another. But when you start to feel down in jail, everything, every single thing, tumbles into your lap. Every bad aspect about the place floods your mind. The fact that tomorrow and the next day will be the same as today, that I'll still be in thes here cell with only men, talking about the same things, my mind will still run circles reminissin about all I'm missin; I'll still end the day by laying my head on my blanket, or "make-shift" pillow, pulling my sheet over my body. My toes will still be cold, I'll wake up to a cold cereal breakfast, now over 200 times in a row, and nothing will change. God help me. Yet through all these thoughts i must make it known I had a smile on my face, my mind soon drifts to a better place, reality will fade, for it's not the place I want to be living in and I will follow this routine until the day these people let me out of my cage doors, when I go free. Back to life, back to where I belong, It won't be long. Everything always turns out perfect in the end!

TATTOO

The one thing I told, asked, pleaded with Micah not to do in jail? Don't get a tattoo! Did he listen? Does he ever listen? Of course not. Now he has a big tattoo on his upper back. Now if you're like me you are wondering how the heck someone in jail gets a tattoo.
Well apparently it took him eight hours and a staple. Yes a staple. You know you can catch things doing things like that. His excuse was if his mom can get dreadlocks he can get a tattoo. Great excuse except he got the tattoo first!

LEMONADE

9/14/08
What if life gives you lemons and you just so happen to be allergic to lemon juice!? What then, do you make? Sometimes, though it may be very seldom, life may throw you something you can't wiggle out of!
I, however, have a wrinkle of how to deal with it: it all has to do with two simple syllables: mindset. When you are happy, without a obvious reason to be so, are the most crucial times in life.
Take a couple of deep breaths when you feel wroth, for problems will wittingly find you and wreath themselves around your happiness. But the thing about your happiness is that it is stronger than any obstacle, for it is all up to you and your mind therefore you're in complete control.
You don't have to woo happiness! It's in you all the time, push the problems from your mind and woolgather happy thoughts till the moon shines bright and silent snores fill your room.....ahem....cell.

SAD CALL

I am happy to say that Micah finally called last night and was bummed out. That may sound weird but I felt like he needed to finally let his guard down a bit and share how he was really feeling. His Dad told him that it is ok to be down once in awhile, especially in his circumstances. He seems to feel that he has to stay upbeat all the time.

When we visited him in Oct. I told him it was o.k. if he wanted to tell me how awful it was. I assured him he did not need to keep upbeat for me. He told me "for you? I am trying to stay upbeat for myself!"

He is even to the point of not taking it to trial just so that he can get to prison sooner and get out of county. There are advantages as well as disadvantages of prison. He is just ready to find out what is going to happen and not sit around wondering all the time what is going to happen to him.

I feel like the procecuting is prolonging his hearing for this very reason. The county of course does not want the expense and time of going to trial. If you wait in county long enough you will take just about anything to get out of there. He will be at the 8 month mark next week.

If any of you out there were thinking about writing letters, or cards this would be a good time to do it. He is having a pretty rough time of it right now. That call last night was the very first time in the past six months that he has called just out of the blue because he had had a rough day. Lots of prayers would be good right now also.

SPEAKING OF HAPPINESS

Micah:
When I write, or speak, about happiness, it's usually about how much it will improve your own life. How as long as you stay happy and smile all the while, life is that much better! Tonight I feel the need, pressed upon me by the frowning face and negativity seeping from across the cell, to tell you yet another aspect of the good that comes out of happiness: And it's happiness! (imagine that!) for when you refuse to let life get you down the positive vibes you have will be passed on to any and everybody around.
People feel it just as they will feel negativity, just as I feel the negative thoughts seeping out of this mans mind and scattering their sorrow all across the cell! But I'm fighting back! My happiness has armored up and battled his negativity out, in an INSTANT! Yet when he felt that he ran, escaped to the next, and only other, room.
This is the kind of person, or mood, we commonly refer to as "negative Nancy". Something about positivity kills them! And the only way to help them is to wait, invite them to open their minds, and with hope they will realize positivity feels better!
But for the rest of you to help, smile! Start the chain reaction! Be a real friend and as you take the frown from your face, take it from people around you....you can do it!