This is a journal entry of Micahs that I received in the mail this week.
12-15-08
We live life day to day because that is nature, its in our programming. When things dont go our way, when life looks hard we dont just off ourselves, for we are told that would result in eternal torment, and we believe it will improve, the latter, both for that matter, are opinion! What is reality? What is this life? How do we break away from those who only follow who only run with society? Furthermore, and the more important question asked is once your mind is free, ready with its own ideas and philosophies, how do you introduce the world? How do you know who will follow you, who will, in my case, free themselves from the world as a group? The simple fact that you should be and believe EXACTLY what your own mind tells you!
Well, where are we going? Where are we from? What should we do while we are here? So many questions that seem to have such complex answers. But they can all be answered so SIMPLY! We will go to the afterlife, wherever it may be! We are from a vast and beautiful area, big enough to hold the population of many worlds, and finally, we are here to make sure we live the happiest lives we can. And while we live to be happy, we do any and everything we can to help our fellow humanity live the happiest lives they can! But we must do this without sacrificing our own happiness. And in the afterlife, we will end up where we belong, where we will be the happiest!
Excuse the poor use or should I say absence of hyphens, cant find them on this keyboard.
Friday, February 27, 2009
BEST FRIENDS
I guess it all started with that phone call. I remember it came in very early in the am on a Friday night, and the officer on the other side of the phone first asked if I knew Micah was in custody, and I said no. Then he proceeded to tell me the list of possible charges, and I couldn’t think of anything to do but write them down so I wouldn’t mess up telling the family. The officer said he had no idea when anyone could see Micah, gave me the number to call to find out, and apologized for waking me and for the bad news, he was very kind. In my notebook from then I have the time, charge list, and the next day was all filled with thoughts and feelings and panic.
In my despair and panic I called my closest friend, who did not answer his phone… When he called me back I was in the middle of HomCo, shopping, and I simply sat down on some lawn furniture in the middle of the store and cried (the first time I had done so) and told him what was going on. It felt so good to talk to someone not personally involved and I will forever be grateful for his kind listening.
I told the family everything I knew, and I think by this time it had hit the papers. I did not know until days later that Jesse was there in Costa Rica , and it is all clouded in shock and disbelief. I do know I was on the phone to Costa Rica a lot, and I know that as things came out in the papers I was surrounded by kindness, and messages of support for not only me, but for me to pass on to the family. I contacted any friends of Micah’s I knew and asked them to write or visit or whatever they could do…
The next thing I remember clearly is a phone call from a PI…who works with the attorney, he was calling me because Micah had asked him to, and I will never forget what he told me. First, I was told to not go visit. Micah knew that those visiting were being somewhat investigated and he did not want me to have to deal with that. I cried. He is locked up, isolated, upset, and he thinks of my life and my responsibilities. Second, Micah needed funds. My mother was very kind and ran down the next day to open him an account and start his “books”.
Now, I am still in shock. I still just want to know what really happened and why he was there. I am still grateful that all the other boys were out of town. I’ve been told that none of them would have gotten involved, but that chance remains, that Micah could have called them, and they could have all been there. I hurt for Micah, for Rick and Robbie, and for everyone else involved. I still have not been able to see him face to face. Each time I’ve gone to visit there are none left, so I continue to write and hope that he knows I love him. I cannot think of anything else to do.
For his future, I still want everything. I hope this all goes away and he can move on, but as it is, we just don’t know, and my not know for a while. I just keep thinking, the part of my heart that belongs to Micah is locked up with him…I hope he knows in some way everyone who loves him is there.
Thank You!
"I always tell the truth. It is the easiest thing to remember." - Mark Twain
Ruth
In my despair and panic I called my closest friend, who did not answer his phone… When he called me back I was in the middle of HomCo, shopping, and I simply sat down on some lawn furniture in the middle of the store and cried (the first time I had done so) and told him what was going on. It felt so good to talk to someone not personally involved and I will forever be grateful for his kind listening.
I told the family everything I knew, and I think by this time it had hit the papers. I did not know until days later that Jesse was there in Costa Rica , and it is all clouded in shock and disbelief. I do know I was on the phone to Costa Rica a lot, and I know that as things came out in the papers I was surrounded by kindness, and messages of support for not only me, but for me to pass on to the family. I contacted any friends of Micah’s I knew and asked them to write or visit or whatever they could do…
The next thing I remember clearly is a phone call from a PI…who works with the attorney, he was calling me because Micah had asked him to, and I will never forget what he told me. First, I was told to not go visit. Micah knew that those visiting were being somewhat investigated and he did not want me to have to deal with that. I cried. He is locked up, isolated, upset, and he thinks of my life and my responsibilities. Second, Micah needed funds. My mother was very kind and ran down the next day to open him an account and start his “books”.
Now, I am still in shock. I still just want to know what really happened and why he was there. I am still grateful that all the other boys were out of town. I’ve been told that none of them would have gotten involved, but that chance remains, that Micah could have called them, and they could have all been there. I hurt for Micah, for Rick and Robbie, and for everyone else involved. I still have not been able to see him face to face. Each time I’ve gone to visit there are none left, so I continue to write and hope that he knows I love him. I cannot think of anything else to do.
For his future, I still want everything. I hope this all goes away and he can move on, but as it is, we just don’t know, and my not know for a while. I just keep thinking, the part of my heart that belongs to Micah is locked up with him…I hope he knows in some way everyone who loves him is there.
Thank You!
"I always tell the truth. It is the easiest thing to remember." - Mark Twain
Ruth
Thursday, February 26, 2009
MISSED CALL
Nothing makes me more frustrated about Micahs situation than missing his call. We are still down on our internet here and waiting to get it fixed. Since we have a VOIP phone it works through the internet. I am about to climb the wall trying to get the phone company out to fix our line. They have fixed once and looks like it may be an ongoing struggle with all the wind.
In the meantime I just received two really good posts from Micah that I will post today or tomorrow, when I get time to get back up here to the internet and get them posted. I have ordered two books that I am going to read and see if they help. They were written by a mom who has a son in jail for life. She is a motivational speaker by profession and it will be interesting to see what motivation she has to offer in this situation.
To date Micah has sent me 99 poems for his book. I am going to be sending some our for review and editing. If anyone has some spare minutes and would like a couple of pages to look at, check spelling and grammar feel free to write me or leave a comment and I will contact you about mailing you a few pages. It is a lot of reading and writing. It is about 40 pages worth.
I am so glad he has undertaken this project as it gives him something to think about. I am still trying to digest the fact that he is in a cell with a 33 year old man who is making his life difficult, as a Mom I just want to go and tell him off. Well in the meantime I read www.prisontalk.com and learn a lot of things to do and not to do to make his life easier. They do have lots of ideas and input not only from people who have been there, but people who have people there for a very long time.
My friend Ruth offered to do a guest blog for this site also. If anyone else would like to do a blog about Micah please let me know and I would love to post it. Remember he will see this someday and will be tickled pink that we all thought about him everyday and remembered him.
In the meantime I just received two really good posts from Micah that I will post today or tomorrow, when I get time to get back up here to the internet and get them posted. I have ordered two books that I am going to read and see if they help. They were written by a mom who has a son in jail for life. She is a motivational speaker by profession and it will be interesting to see what motivation she has to offer in this situation.
To date Micah has sent me 99 poems for his book. I am going to be sending some our for review and editing. If anyone has some spare minutes and would like a couple of pages to look at, check spelling and grammar feel free to write me or leave a comment and I will contact you about mailing you a few pages. It is a lot of reading and writing. It is about 40 pages worth.
I am so glad he has undertaken this project as it gives him something to think about. I am still trying to digest the fact that he is in a cell with a 33 year old man who is making his life difficult, as a Mom I just want to go and tell him off. Well in the meantime I read www.prisontalk.com and learn a lot of things to do and not to do to make his life easier. They do have lots of ideas and input not only from people who have been there, but people who have people there for a very long time.
My friend Ruth offered to do a guest blog for this site also. If anyone else would like to do a blog about Micah please let me know and I would love to post it. Remember he will see this someday and will be tickled pink that we all thought about him everyday and remembered him.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
IN THE BEGINING
I thought since I did not have a blog from Micah today, until he calls me tomorrow that is, I would just tell my side of the day of. Our internet is dead at the moment so I am trying to do this at the internet cafe and the girl beside me is about to pound her keys right through the dang table, and I have my headphones on! It is making me crazy so I will try to focus.
On July 11th we were in Nicaragua. Since we are considered perpetual tourists we have to leave Costa Rica every 90 days and get our passport stamped. Our very favorite place to go is San Jaun Del Sur. It is an awesome beach town and is not as far as other cool places to hang out for a few days to wait and return.
So on that fateful weekend we had travelled there with our son Jesse and two of his buddies who were all spending the month hanging out in Costa Rica. I have to say if Jesse had not been there I dont think I could have coped. But I get ahead of myself for a moment.
We had arrived on Thursday and spent the day playing at the beach. On Friday we went to the internet cafe to check our email. I brought up my myspace and there were two urgent messages from Micahs legal guardian. I immediately brought them up. The first one was just a few lines. She told me she had received a call early that morning that Micah had been arrested and charged with murder 1, robbery, and kidnapping.
The next message was the Daily Scum report on the whole incident. By the way I hate, hate, hate the Daily Scum and in a way wish it was them that had lied and not the police lying to them, just so I could sue them. But again I digress.
When I read that message I felt like someone had just sucked all the air out of that little internet cafe in San Jaun del Sur. I have never experienced anything like that before in my life. I just freaked out and started yelling at Jesse and Rick. I was not even aware of any other person in the whole world at that time, like I had just fallen off the planet.
They both came running and we all stood in shock. Jesse was the first to respond with the words, Micah would never do this, something is wrong. From there we ran next door to the internationa l call center and called our friend. She gave us the number for juvy, since he was only 17 that is where he was.
When we called juvy Micah refused to talk to us. The police on duty told us he was fine and was just a little upset and we should try back later. I just could not think straight. I was just thinking I had to get to Flagstaff immediately and save my kid from what was happening. The flight or fight response had kicked in big time and I was in flight mode.
We all went for a walk and I just could not stop crying. There was a big political rally going on in the streets and megaphones, drunk people and shouting going on. We were sitting on a park bench in the middle of it all my daughter and I just sobbing. My husband headed to the Catholic church there to pray.
When we headed back we went to the call center and I called my daughter in Costa Rica. She was of course shocked and when we arrived home the next night she had cleaned our house and had a hot meal waiting there for us. She is awesome and knew just what we needed. She was also able to call the other boys and tell them what was going on.
I will always look back on that day as the day my life changed forever. I have had many trials and tribulations as we all do. But nothing could ever prepare me to lose my son in this way. I strive in every way I can to keep connected to him, but I know he will change. I will never have my little boy again, he is gone.
On July 11th we were in Nicaragua. Since we are considered perpetual tourists we have to leave Costa Rica every 90 days and get our passport stamped. Our very favorite place to go is San Jaun Del Sur. It is an awesome beach town and is not as far as other cool places to hang out for a few days to wait and return.
So on that fateful weekend we had travelled there with our son Jesse and two of his buddies who were all spending the month hanging out in Costa Rica. I have to say if Jesse had not been there I dont think I could have coped. But I get ahead of myself for a moment.
We had arrived on Thursday and spent the day playing at the beach. On Friday we went to the internet cafe to check our email. I brought up my myspace and there were two urgent messages from Micahs legal guardian. I immediately brought them up. The first one was just a few lines. She told me she had received a call early that morning that Micah had been arrested and charged with murder 1, robbery, and kidnapping.
The next message was the Daily Scum report on the whole incident. By the way I hate, hate, hate the Daily Scum and in a way wish it was them that had lied and not the police lying to them, just so I could sue them. But again I digress.
When I read that message I felt like someone had just sucked all the air out of that little internet cafe in San Jaun del Sur. I have never experienced anything like that before in my life. I just freaked out and started yelling at Jesse and Rick. I was not even aware of any other person in the whole world at that time, like I had just fallen off the planet.
They both came running and we all stood in shock. Jesse was the first to respond with the words, Micah would never do this, something is wrong. From there we ran next door to the internationa l call center and called our friend. She gave us the number for juvy, since he was only 17 that is where he was.
When we called juvy Micah refused to talk to us. The police on duty told us he was fine and was just a little upset and we should try back later. I just could not think straight. I was just thinking I had to get to Flagstaff immediately and save my kid from what was happening. The flight or fight response had kicked in big time and I was in flight mode.
We all went for a walk and I just could not stop crying. There was a big political rally going on in the streets and megaphones, drunk people and shouting going on. We were sitting on a park bench in the middle of it all my daughter and I just sobbing. My husband headed to the Catholic church there to pray.
When we headed back we went to the call center and I called my daughter in Costa Rica. She was of course shocked and when we arrived home the next night she had cleaned our house and had a hot meal waiting there for us. She is awesome and knew just what we needed. She was also able to call the other boys and tell them what was going on.
I will always look back on that day as the day my life changed forever. I have had many trials and tribulations as we all do. But nothing could ever prepare me to lose my son in this way. I strive in every way I can to keep connected to him, but I know he will change. I will never have my little boy again, he is gone.
Monday, February 23, 2009
MONDAYS SUCK
It is difficult on Mondays after talking to Micah for a half an hour on Sunday to not talk to him at all. When I talked to him yesterday he said he was fresh out of things to say. Now that in and of itself is a miracel where Micah is involved.
He did say that he was very happy at the moment because his celly had a visit so was gone. While we were talking on the phone his celly came back. He was trying to laugh on the phone but I could tell he was upset. I asked him what was going on and he said his celly had just drank out of his coffee cup. He is really not too happy right now but refuses to say so.
While I am glad he wants to keep Mom happy I feel bad that he does not feel like he can say what is going on. He has never told me about any fights, which I know have happened, or anything else bad that goes on in jail.
He has made me promise to keep his blog positive and up beat so I will continue to strive to do that. In the meantime please remember him in your prayers.
He did say that he was very happy at the moment because his celly had a visit so was gone. While we were talking on the phone his celly came back. He was trying to laugh on the phone but I could tell he was upset. I asked him what was going on and he said his celly had just drank out of his coffee cup. He is really not too happy right now but refuses to say so.
While I am glad he wants to keep Mom happy I feel bad that he does not feel like he can say what is going on. He has never told me about any fights, which I know have happened, or anything else bad that goes on in jail.
He has made me promise to keep his blog positive and up beat so I will continue to strive to do that. In the meantime please remember him in your prayers.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
JAIL GUARDS
Micah shared a funny story with me on Wednesday after his hearing. He was pretty discouraged, but as always managed to keep his chin up and find the humor in the situation.
On the way to the courthouse for the hearing he got to talking to the driver. Of course Micah got to talking to the driver, he talks to everyone. Anyway so they got to talking and the driver told him that he had been doing his job for 10 years.
Micah said, " wow you have been doing this since I was 7 years old! Just think about it you started doing this kind of job when I was just a little kid with a superman backpack that I would wear and pretend it could fly me around everywhere. You have been driving people to their hearings and I was like flying all around my yard".
He said the guy did not find it at all amusing and even got a little pissed off at him. I told him he better be careful or they will be driving him to the funny farm instead of his hearing!
On the way to the courthouse for the hearing he got to talking to the driver. Of course Micah got to talking to the driver, he talks to everyone. Anyway so they got to talking and the driver told him that he had been doing his job for 10 years.
Micah said, " wow you have been doing this since I was 7 years old! Just think about it you started doing this kind of job when I was just a little kid with a superman backpack that I would wear and pretend it could fly me around everywhere. You have been driving people to their hearings and I was like flying all around my yard".
He said the guy did not find it at all amusing and even got a little pissed off at him. I told him he better be careful or they will be driving him to the funny farm instead of his hearing!
Friday, February 20, 2009
STILL SMILING
If you don't want to cry don't read this post, it is a tear jerker.
"I never realized what it meant when I would hear about people fighting and dying for freedom. Being incarcerated I've come to see that the chance to fight for an entire countries' freedom would be an honor. To save them from living even in a situation remotely close to mine; without all the things Americans, everybody-for that matter-, takes for granted.
From being able to walk your dog-even have a dog!- under the sun or moon, anytime, anyday, to simply being able to associate yourself with whom you please, whenever you'd like!
I wish there was some way to make it known that lives without freedom are not for man to live! i.e. if I want to go on a walk I must close my eyes and dream. If I want to see people I love it's thru glass, making it impossible to touch them, to wipe the tears from their eyes, shed for little ole' me locked behind these steel doors.
Are there people who belong here? With these restrictions? Yes, of course, which is the cause for innocent men that don't belong here *cough, cough!* being here! Because lies never end! Where do they? Where can jurors, and everyone else see thru them and into the soul? Where guilty persons take their blame without pushing it upon another? Take me there! Take me where truth is all that matters. Where they laugh when they see me, and instantly say "not guilty!" And, this I swear, my life and everything in it will never be taken for granted again!-Still Smiling- :) I Love You Family!
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